Have you ever been in an argument and felt like it was hard to say “I’m sorry?”
I meet with couples all the time who have the same feeling and struggle to tell each other that they made a mistake or that they are sorry. Sometimes it is because we are worried that if we say, “I’m sorry for what I just said,” it will invalidate our argument or position in the fight. Sometimes it is because we are feeling so angry or upset in the midst of the fight that we cannot think to say “I’m sorry” and saying “I’m sorry” feels like throwing fuel on our already burning anger.
Slow it Down
Contrary to all of this, saying “I’m sorry” can be a very wonderful way to slow down a fight and help you and your partner start to figure out how to get out of the hole you find yourselves in.
When we get caught in the storm that is an argument often our thoughts and emotions start speeding up and we can react very strongly and with a lot of passion. We may end up saying things that we regret later or that really hurt our partners and ourselves.
Saying “I’m sorry” can be like extending a welcoming and gentle hand in the midst of a knock-down-drag-out fight. It can help to change the path of the fight from pushing each other away to reconnecting.
It can Feel Risky to say “I’m Sorry”
Sometimes saying “I’m sorry” feels risky because what if we reach out toward our partner and they don’t respond with kindness and compassion. What if they respond with more anger and it feels like they only push harder?
This is why working with a trained professional in marriage counseling and couples therapy can be vitally important in helping change your relationship for the better. Saying “I’m sorry” can be a great tool to have to slow down an argument, but it won’t fix the patterns that got you into that hole in the first place.
Ready for Change?
If you are ready to improve your relationship and find the joy and love with your partner again Contact Me or call (970) 270-8928 to set up an appointment. I look forward to helping you find that joy again.